I Suck: A Vampire Comedy

“I Suck: A Vampire Comedy” is a darkly funny one-person show that asks: What good is eternal life if you’re not really living?

As part of NambaArts' 2026 Playwright's SPLASH Festival, I SUCK will be presented on October 24 at 7 pm. Tickets are $20 online at NambaArts.com and $25 at the door at 47 So. Oak St. in Historic Downtown Ventura.

Stan has been a vampire for over a thousand years, and he’s terrible at it. While other vampires live in castles and accumulate wealth, Stan is stuck in a dead-end job as a middle manager in Toledo, living paycheck to paycheck, haunted by centuries of catastrophically bad decisions. His latest crisis? He can no longer bring himself to kill people. After realizing he feels a kinship with every human—they’re all his descendants, technically—Stan finds himself unable to feed.

This predicament leads Stan to set out to escape his vampire contract. He embarks on a supernatural journey from heaven to hell, encountering everyone from a chatty St. Peter to a bored demon named Larry to Satan himself. Along the way, he’s forced to relive the choice that started it all—trading his soul and abandoning his family for the promise of power and eternal life.